Morning

The sunlight bathes the room in light

It paints a glow onto my skin

I breathe deeply to clear my lungs

bring the new air in, start fresh

My drowsy eyes skim the room

My ears perk up at the familiar noises

Grandmother’s voice calls out

Her voice is received by my uncle

I smell the coffee.

My mind is clear this early.

 

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The Funeral

please attend this funeral, so I can lay my pain to rest

the pallbearers are my new experiences and the mourners are my new attitude

drop drop several tears down the cheek

sniffles and muffled cries are the only thing I hear

the weather is gloomy, the ground muddy

don’t wear your new shoes, it may get a little dirty

wear black I say.  ladies, cover your face with a veil

so your face will be shielded, as they bury my pain away.

12 feet under the ground, 6 feet extra just to make sure

that the negativity, the doubts, and the cries all go away.

I look up at the sky as the rain paints my face

rain rain, please don’t go away.

Wash me, wash me to a better place.

The flowers around me are dead, brown and shriveled

but they do not take my joy away.

At this funeral, my pain and suffering are being buried.

My feelings are no more.

Maybe the guests should’ve worn white to symbolize no more negativity

but alas this is no celebration

but instead a funeral for all the negativity

Daddy

hey daddy. It’s me, olivia. You know, your youngest daughter. Do you remember?

I can tell it takes you a minute to recognize me. Well, I go to MC now. I’m a junior and an english literature major. Do you remember when I told you that?

I’ve missed you so much, daddy. I hope that you have missed me, too. The smallest things make me think of you and our memories. Oh please daddy say you remember.

you’ve changed. You’re a different person now. You still have the same gentle soul, but now you possess a broken mind. What happened, daddy?

Do you remember yourself before we were told you have early on set dementia? Do you remember when you taught me how to ride a bike? Do you remember when you helped me with my science projects? Do you remember my high school gradation? Daddy, please remember.

It breaks my heart to see you live like this. In a constant state of inner turmoil and confusion.

But daddy sometimes you show flickers of who you used to be. Sometimes you are who you were.. But only for a few seconds. I wish that those times would last forever. Daddy, I know you’re still here. Are the memories tucked away somewhere?

You speak and try to make conversation. Your words are jumbled and you now have a stutter. Sometimes I wish that I could just grab you and shake you so you would be back to normal!

Daddy! Daddy! Why did this have to happen to you?

Some days feel so hard daddy. Some days it feels like I just can’t do it anymore. Can you hear me daddy? Will you remember what I’m saying?

Please, if you don’t remember anything else, just remember that I love you.

And I know you love me to

3 Reasons Why People Feel Insecure And How To Overcome Them

Thought Catalog

image - Flickr / lauren rushing image – Flickr / lauren rushing

Reason #1

Low Self Esteem: So you’re aware that your nose isn’t as straight as you’d hoped it would be or your thighs rub together when you walk. You look in the mirror and all you see is the mole that makes a triangle on your face or the strands of childish hair covering your forehead. You begin emanating that outward sense of awkwardness with your body and your inner self, until you eventually believe that all everyone sees are your flaws. This harbors a deep, underlying sense of insecurity which may make you spiteful and jealous towards others. When you’re in a relationship with someone and a cute girl or guy walks by, you’re immediately aware that the said passerby is “prettier” than you or is wearing a much better outfit than your current coveralls and T-shirt and you begin to wonder if…

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Hello!

It seems that I got the bright idea to start a blog. Th sole purpose of this blog is to give a slice of life through my eyes. I started it to also express my feelings, and just to write. I enjoy writing (even though I’m not too good) but I find it much easier to write down my feelings instead of speaking. It’s very relaxing. I guess you could say this blog will be sort of like a diary!

Anyway, I hope whoever stumbles across my blog enjoys it. I hope my writings and thoughts are nice to read and relatable. I promise I have more posts to come. 🙂