I haven’t cried in 7 days
And my last smile was about an hour ago.
Is this what it feels like to be normal?
Close my eyes and count to 10
1, 2, 3..
My mind begins to melt
Into a puddle of happiness, sadness, anger, and disgust.
With every memory that comes flooding back.
I wrap myself in a cloak of contempt,
It feels comforting
It feels like home.
Contempt for myself.
Sad, I know.
Am I still counting?
My eyes are still glued shut from the avoidance of my troubles.
Turn a blind eye, maybe then my problems with evaporate into thin air
If only I could wish them away
wish Them away
but that’s not how life works.
Run, run my thoughts are catching up with me
The thoughts I try to suffocate when I am surrounded by silence.
Silence is my enemy
solitude is my nemesis
I avoid these two things like they are the plague
isn’t that crazy? Avoiding my own
I find no solace in myself, no peace
I only find chaos.
I must push these thoughts down..
arent I supposed to be counting?
where was I?
I have lost my way, tangled upon myself.
Life feels more like quick sand.
Crushing, suffocating, but all the while fully aware.
I am begging to put a stop to these thoughts ..