Numbers

I haven’t cried in 7 days

And my last smile was about an hour ago.

Is this what it feels like to be normal?

Close my eyes and count to 10

1, 2, 3..

My mind begins to melt

Into a puddle of happiness, sadness, anger, and disgust.

With every memory that comes flooding back.

4, 5,

I wrap myself in a cloak of contempt,

It feels comforting

It feels like home.

6

Contempt for myself.

Sad, I know.

7… 8.

Am I still counting?

My eyes are still glued shut from the avoidance of my troubles.

Turn a blind eye, maybe then my problems with evaporate into thin air

9.

If only I could wish them away

wish       Them away

but that’s not how life works.

Run, run my thoughts are catching up with me

The thoughts I try to suffocate when I am surrounded by silence.

Silence is my enemy

solitude is my nemesis

I avoid these two things like they are the plague

isn’t that crazy? Avoiding my own

Mind

I find no solace in myself, no peace

I only find chaos.

I must push these thoughts down..

arent I supposed to be counting?

8, 9

where was I?

I have lost my way, tangled upon myself.

Life feels more like quick sand.

Crushing, suffocating, but all the while fully aware.

I am begging to put a stop to these thoughts ..

10.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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