There’s a certain nostalgic feeling that I get at this time of night. I’m not quite sure what brings it on. Although I try not to dig too deep into the reasoning. When it comes, I just enjoy it. The soulful voice of Amy Winehouse is very calming for me. The past few weeks have been interesting, and it’s nice to have a little moment of complete calm. For a little it seemed that everything in my life was in complete turmoil and falling apart. It felt like there would never be a way out. However, things have changed. I won’t say that the clouds have completely cleared away, but the sunshine is peaking through. Even so, I can’t believe that February has come and is almost gone.
As I sit here I can’t help but think about the people of my past. The many personalities that I’ve gotten to know, but eventually things just fall away. Perhaps we outgrow each other. In fact, as I walk around campus I occasionally see some old best friends. Sometimes we say hello and sometimes we do not. But, it’s crazy because I find myself reminiscence of past times. During those times we were inseparable. We knew each other like the back of our hands. The world was ours and there were endless possibilities for us. We made promises to always be together because we were best friends. Little did we know, a few years from then we would never even know each anymore. Now, we are virtual strangers to each other. You would never know we were ever friends at all. Sometimes it gets me a little sad. But, a part of me knows that it will never be the same. We have grown and evolved into different people. Different interests, different pursuits, different lives. But, what causes you to grow apart? It’s a gradual thing, I suppose. You just stop talking, and before you realize it… The friendship is gone. But, you never know. Life has a way of rekindling things. Perhaps we’ll cross each other’s paths again. Perhaps not.
I think of my past life lightly. I try not to analyze it. I try not to find reasoning and I don’t question it. I was a different person. My mind has changed, my outlook on life has changed. My outlook on myself has changed. I’ve lost some friends and I’ve gained some. But, the most important friend that I’ve gained is myself…
Well, that grand feeling of nostalgia has been replaced with a feeling of sleepiness. My eyes are getting increasingly heavy. My mind is getting quieter. I guess I’ll finish tonight with a little Back to Black.